Reality

In this post I said how love is like a sword without a handle.  I talked about how I know that it hurts and takes sacrifice to love.  Following that post, I wrote this one, saying how it takes risk to love and sometimes takes us where we're not comfortable.  But those were only blog posts.  Sure, in the latter one I told a true story, but mostly they were only words on a page or screen.  Hopefully they had meaning, but to some extent they were probably just mere thoughts in our minds, slipping into the "forgotten folder" before we realized it.

Truly being hurt, though, is different.  It actually hurts, unlike just writing or reading about it.  I question, Why does God let hurtful things happen to those he loves?  Could it be so we know how it feels when others get hurt?  Is it because God wants us to actually hurt for other people, and if we'd never be hurt ourselves, how could we hurt for them?

I know little children who have had more hurtful things done to them than many of us have ever experienced in our whole lives.  Already, their hearts are fragile and broken.  How then, will we care for them if we cannot identify with their pain even to just some small extent?

Just having passed Valentine's Day, the ever famous "love day," I ask again, Why do we get hurt when we love?  Because in reality, love isn't about roses and chocolate, accompanied by all things pink, red, and white.  Sure, Valentine's Day is a fine day to celebrate those we love, but going from day to day, love doesn't always feel beautiful and is more about giving up my rights, forgiving again and again, and putting others' needs and wants before mine.

Maybe it's best explained in a song called, "Yet," by Switchfoot.  The bridge goes like this:

If it doesn't break, if it doesn't break, if it doesn't break
If it doesn't break your heart, it isn't love
No, if it doesn't break your heart, it's not enough
It's when you're breaking down with your insides coming out
That's when you find out what your heart is made of

So true.  When our hearts break, that's when we're really giving, really loving.  It's not about us, and how hurt we may feel, it's about other people, and how we can love Jesus by truly loving them.  The reality is, it hurts to love, but Jesus was hurt even more.  Being hurt by love isn't beautiful, but beautiful Love was hurt, so He will make all hurt beautiful.

The Apron of a Servant

I came across this quote by Jon Foreman, written in an article in the magazine Relevant: “But I think the point is ultimately not about me. And if you approach the world with the apron of a servant, then you are allowed to go places that you can’t go if you approach it with the crown of a king.”

I thought his point was so incredibly powerful, for I am so guilty of it myself. The storyline is not about me, so why not serve instead of parade? 

The One Who served all, is now Who I can serve by serving all. 

Lead Me To The Rock

When hard and ugly things happen, things I can't explain or understand, and it's hard to feel anything but the waves of hurt and pain, I know Who holds me.  When so much seems unstable and unpredictable, especially me, I know Who is the One who steadies me. When it's hard to pray or even think clearly, and nothing comes easily except the tears, I know Who comforts me.

I know all these things, yet I need to be reminded.  I need to hear it again and again.

Psalm 61 is an incredible reminder of His promises.  "Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer....when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.  For thou hast been a strong shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy....So will I sing praise unto thy name for ever..."

Jesus, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I.  Lead me to You.  

May you too, be led to the Rock this Christmas season.

Risk: To Take, or Not To Take

It's kind of a bummer having a post like this right after the one from yesterday, but life is real and I mess up. Therefore, this blog is real along with the mistakes. 

Standing in the check out line at the Dollar General today, I noticed a sweet elderly lady standing behind us. Her pretty face was full of beautiful wrinkles and as my eyes met hers, her face lit up with a beautiful, almost toothless smile. 

There was something about that smile. It was as if we had been friends for a long time or like she was genuinely glad to see me. It wasn't a smile from the surface, it felt like a smile from her heart. 

She looked like a survivor of much pain, yet she radiated joy. Maybe her smile was genuine because of the pain. I don't know her situation, nor her heart, but still, there was something so captivating about her smile. 

I thought maybe I should talk with her. Maybe she didn't know about Jesus, and besides it seemed like she would make a sweet friend. But I just couldn't get up my courage. I watched as she paid for her items and briefly sat down beside the door. As we walked outside into the cold, I wished her a merry Christmas. 

But that's it. I didn't say anything else. 

As we went on our way, I saw her walk across the street in the cold. 

Now all I can do for her is pray. I wish now I would have made the effort to be a friend to her. Maybe I could have even taken her to church sometime or brought her out to my house. We could have laughed with each other and every time she smiled I could have seen her sweet joy within. 

I make mistakes and sometimes I'm afraid to pick up that sword called love. I don't know what will happen if I do. It takes risk, and I don't always want to take it. 

I pray for courage and I pray for boldness. God will give me another chance because his grace abounds. Don't do what I did; take the risk. 

To Swing a Sword

In his book Love Does, Bob Goff says, "...the Bible said the only weapon any of us really has is love. But it's love like a sword without a handle and because of that, sometimes we'll get cut when we pick it up...." 

I want to pick it up and start swinging, but I know it takes sacrifice. It hurts sometimes and it doesn't all feel good. 

I don't just want to set it beside me only because it won't hurt me that way. I want to go all out, nothing missing. Jesus went all out and beyond. He gave everything. His love was all out, but so was the pain and the suffering. 

Let's all pick up His love and do something. Let's start somewhere. Let's start swinging. 

"Without Running Away"

If love were something we could buy, the cost would be unfathomable.  If it were something we could make or create, it would take longer than many lifetimes to even slightly begin.  If love had not been given to us freely, we could never have been loved, and much less, could we have given love away.  Love comes with a high price, and sometimes that price is pain.  When we take the risk of loving someone, we take the risk of missing them when they're gone.  We take the risk of being hurt by their departure.   Sometimes grief is the price we pay for love.  Thank you, Jesus, for already carrying the pain for me.

"Without Running Away" is an incredible song by Jason Gray.  The meaning is very deep.  Will I dare to keep loving even when it hurts?  Will we keep risking to love each other?

  "Without Running Away"

  by Jason Gray

I’ve spent some days looking

For a length of rope

And a place to hang it

From the end of my hope

But where I thought hope had ended

I always find a little bit more

It’s not like I’m trying

To be optimistic

If the truth be told

I’d rather dismiss it

And be free of the burden

Of the living that hoping requires

To bring my heart

To every day

And run the risk of fearlessly loving

Without running away

Jesus is speaking

But it’s so hard to hear

When disciples with swords

Are cutting off ears

Broken and bleeding

I’m waiting for healing to come

But wounded’s a part

That I’ve learned to play well

Though the wound may run deeper

Than I know how to tell

Where pain’s an addiction

That keeps me buried alive

But when it’s all that I know

I’m afraid to leave it behind

And bring my heart

To every day

And run the risk of fearlessly loving

Without running away

My heart is not lifted up

My eyes are not lifted up

But calm and quiet is my soul

Like a child with its mother is my soul

After a while in the dark

Your eyes will adjust

In the shadows you’ll find

The hand you can trust

And the still small voice

That calls like the rising sun

Come

And bring your heart

To every day

Run the risk of fearlessly loving

Without running away

You must run the risk of fearlessly loving

Without running away

The Lover, The Healer

What is ministry?  How do I view it?  Not what ministries are there, but what does actual ministry mean to me?  When do I minister to others?  Is it constant or is it conditional?

Ministry should not be a switch I can turn on and off.  I shouldn't be able to flip into "ministry mode" just when I feel like it, neither should I blindly go about my daily business, blocking out the hurt that is literally walking around me.  Because the love of Jesus is not a switch.  It flows constantly and unconditionally, hurting and rejoicing with others, all the time.  When this love is in me and going out of me, then can I love constantly and unconditionally.  Then I can hurt with those who are hurting and rejoice with those who are rejoicing.

Just look into the eyes of the people around you, look into them with the eyes of Jesus, then you can see the hurt.  You can feel the pain and the brokenness.  They need to know that there is hope for them, that Love is waiting for them.  Help them see the One who sees you when you are broken and hurt.  You can't change them or fix their problems, but you can love them.

If I can more fully grasp what has been done for me, the healing that I have been given and the love that was poured out for me, then ministry will be full time for me.  It will not be a shift that I take or a switch that I flip.  It will be my lifestyle.  Love will be my lifestyle, because Jesus is my all in all.

This is not something that happens overnight, it is something I grow in.  I learn to obey His Holy Spirit, and to accept His forgiveness when I fail.  I cannot love on my own, I cannot care on my own, I cannot even see without Jesus.  But Jesus is strongest at my weakest.  He will do the loving and the caring through me.