Trust. (Part 1)

Even just saying the word is hard. It doesn't slide off the tongue near as easy as "fear" does. It seems every aspect of trust is challenging. Trust cannot simply be given, but is something that must be earned. It cannot be turned off and on and changed out like a light bulb. And while it is fragile, risky, vulnerable, and very scary at times, it is one of the greatest blessings. For what is friendship without trust? What is my relationship to the Creator without complete, vulnerable trust?

So why can't I always just believe in faith that God will come through, instead of swinging back and forth from fear to trust, trust to fear? In my head I knew that God and His ways are good and He will always do what is best for me, but my heart wavered like a blade of grass in the wind... first one way and then another. Doubts came creeping into my mind, forcefully extracting any leftover bits of trust. I was almost at the end of myself. Peace- where was it?

But I waited. I chose to lead my heart to trust again. I chose to believe that God means what He says. I chose to believe His promises. "Trust in the Lord with all you heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil." Proverbs 3:5-7 And I chose to believe that God would do what glorifies Him the most. Peace was present.

It's at these times where I learn the most. When all I have is dependency on God, and there is nothing I can do to make a difference, except trust and pray, pray and trust. These are the times that draw me to Him, leading me closer and closer to His heart. These are the times when the prayers in my journal look like this...

Jesus, thank You for Your peace. Thank You for Your timing. Thank You for Your help and grace.... Thank You for everything You're teaching me.

I trust Your timing, and I truly don't want anything else!

Jesus, You are my ALL. You are all I need....

Glorify yourself  in this situation. I know You will and I trust You in the methods You want to use, even when it doesn't make sense to me or when it's hard to believe that you're working....

I want what You want, Jesus.